When I was facing you with the truth, It was your lies holding back our truce, it was the fear from within, falling without
When I told you what was wrong, you thought it was you, when it was us together, apart... from the beginning, our start
When I lay awake beside you at night, it was my dreams playing with you, in my sleep, It was my love for you at your feet, keeping you warm
When I got up before you, when I fell back down at night, I was hugging you, kissing you making you feel alright... Right?
If only you were there, it was me getting over the fear, from before, from after, I’ve been covering it with laughter, my life in your arms a disaster waiting to catch me off guard, this is so hard.
If only I could carry on, to make what I knew was true the truth and that I felt were lies, a disguise, die.
So I will take this chance, I will hold my head up high and together we will rise, to you the truth a surprise... along with my lows, my highs, my, my, my... Truth.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The Kiss
When it started so quickly, it stopped so fast, When it finished, I wished it would never stop,
I walked to the door in a daze, hypnotised, phased.
The words before; nothing!, the thoughts after; something!,
I will wait for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years
Just to feel like this and that again?It may never come, nor the sun, the rain, the pleasure or pain... I want to kiss you over again and again... So softly, carefully, perfectly, passionately
The smell of your perfume, the warmth of your heart, The way you held me before your depart, even the dark blue love bite mark,
My sleep brought images of you to my bed
I couldn't sleep; I lay there silently, almost dead, Listening to my breathing, A smile and a shake of my head, I closed my eyes and thought of us over and over again,
From above, I watched us kiss, from below you know...
We looked so innocent, so so so...
Awaiting dancing together with you, I can Speak without words,
Touch without sounds, The Kiss...
I remember, Treasure, Forever with Pleasure.
I walked to the door in a daze, hypnotised, phased.
The words before; nothing!, the thoughts after; something!,
I will wait for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years
Just to feel like this and that again?It may never come, nor the sun, the rain, the pleasure or pain... I want to kiss you over again and again... So softly, carefully, perfectly, passionately
The smell of your perfume, the warmth of your heart, The way you held me before your depart, even the dark blue love bite mark,
My sleep brought images of you to my bed
I couldn't sleep; I lay there silently, almost dead, Listening to my breathing, A smile and a shake of my head, I closed my eyes and thought of us over and over again,
From above, I watched us kiss, from below you know...
We looked so innocent, so so so...
Awaiting dancing together with you, I can Speak without words,
Touch without sounds, The Kiss...
I remember, Treasure, Forever with Pleasure.
"You Let Me Down, again."
You let me down, down again...
I was counting on you to think of me, to make the changes to set us free, You let me down, down again, I was hoping to spend our lives together, Without an end. you let me down again.
You had a chance to solve the things, you had a chance to make amends, If you had seen that now I'm alone, missing you both from another home, if only you had made the effort, I could have been set free. from your pasts, for the arguments and selfish contrasts.
you let me down, down again.
When I was opening the world, learning about its flowers and trees, you had an icy cold breeze, stirring, whirring into a storm, your love turned sour and you became a storm.
When I was needing a hand, it was yours filled with pain, touching my skin and burning again, the first was like the last, everyone was the same, not bringing you respect, but bringing you shame. when I am sitting here without you I’d wished you had never done it again and again.
I looked through you, looking through me, I forgot your love, not forgetting loosing me The stars I wished upon connected together as one, my anger resulted in aggression to everyone, I burned and cursed, I’ve taken out my frustration on the earth.
I was seven and living without a heaven, I was eight and living within a hell!
It wasn't a god or a devil, it wasn't a sister or brother, it wasn't my government, grandfather or grandmother, It was you both, you... my own father and mother.
I was counting on you to think of me, to make the changes to set us free, You let me down, down again, I was hoping to spend our lives together, Without an end. you let me down again.
You had a chance to solve the things, you had a chance to make amends, If you had seen that now I'm alone, missing you both from another home, if only you had made the effort, I could have been set free. from your pasts, for the arguments and selfish contrasts.
you let me down, down again.
When I was opening the world, learning about its flowers and trees, you had an icy cold breeze, stirring, whirring into a storm, your love turned sour and you became a storm.
When I was needing a hand, it was yours filled with pain, touching my skin and burning again, the first was like the last, everyone was the same, not bringing you respect, but bringing you shame. when I am sitting here without you I’d wished you had never done it again and again.
I looked through you, looking through me, I forgot your love, not forgetting loosing me The stars I wished upon connected together as one, my anger resulted in aggression to everyone, I burned and cursed, I’ve taken out my frustration on the earth.
I was seven and living without a heaven, I was eight and living within a hell!
It wasn't a god or a devil, it wasn't a sister or brother, it wasn't my government, grandfather or grandmother, It was you both, you... my own father and mother.
Bi-Polar Brothers.
Bi-Polar Brothers.
Its going to be ok, I trust you and trust me I know, cause between the not ok’s you’ve hung on to what you needed to, you’ve made a pact to do just such and im going to be with you all the way.
So when the feeling that seems to lash out from the darkness, from the unsuspecting shadows of your day, with a knife or with a sense of strife, it’s me who’s going to take the cut and it’s me who will save your life.
You cant pretend its not happening when behind you awaits the thing that scares you the most, the thing that raises from within, filling you throughout, touching your lonely soul with shivers, with fear and threats of something you will never see, but just have to share.
It’s going to be the relationship you always needed, always had, between us we will know what comes next, cause stride after stride, mile after mile, we will walk together hand in hand, until your last breath and step.
Its not just you suffering, I suffer too, it’s hard to see you like you are, and you know that too, but its going to have to do, there is no other choice, today and tomorrow will never change until we face it side by side, together in each others wake, quietly alone as the ripples thin to a calm pool of emotions that subside from the intense storm.
It’s going to be ok, we don’t have to wait, nor race ahead of ourselves toward something unknown, you can reach for my hand, when ever you trip, when ever you fall or stall and I will pick you back up from what ever ground, what ever frown or break from where ever your going to go next.
I am going to be with you all the way, what more can I possibly say, and If you can’t find me beneath the waves, just hold out your hand, don’t hold your breath, breathe, we don’t have any choice because you and I are in this together, forever, so take a good look at me and forgive me for who I am and whom I have become.
The circles we seem to be walking in are not the same, this is not a game, this is our life and what we have become, we are, One.
All Rights Reserved - Written By Renton Braden Mathew Innes 24/07/2007
Its going to be ok, I trust you and trust me I know, cause between the not ok’s you’ve hung on to what you needed to, you’ve made a pact to do just such and im going to be with you all the way.
So when the feeling that seems to lash out from the darkness, from the unsuspecting shadows of your day, with a knife or with a sense of strife, it’s me who’s going to take the cut and it’s me who will save your life.
You cant pretend its not happening when behind you awaits the thing that scares you the most, the thing that raises from within, filling you throughout, touching your lonely soul with shivers, with fear and threats of something you will never see, but just have to share.
It’s going to be the relationship you always needed, always had, between us we will know what comes next, cause stride after stride, mile after mile, we will walk together hand in hand, until your last breath and step.
Its not just you suffering, I suffer too, it’s hard to see you like you are, and you know that too, but its going to have to do, there is no other choice, today and tomorrow will never change until we face it side by side, together in each others wake, quietly alone as the ripples thin to a calm pool of emotions that subside from the intense storm.
It’s going to be ok, we don’t have to wait, nor race ahead of ourselves toward something unknown, you can reach for my hand, when ever you trip, when ever you fall or stall and I will pick you back up from what ever ground, what ever frown or break from where ever your going to go next.
I am going to be with you all the way, what more can I possibly say, and If you can’t find me beneath the waves, just hold out your hand, don’t hold your breath, breathe, we don’t have any choice because you and I are in this together, forever, so take a good look at me and forgive me for who I am and whom I have become.
The circles we seem to be walking in are not the same, this is not a game, this is our life and what we have become, we are, One.
All Rights Reserved - Written By Renton Braden Mathew Innes 24/07/2007
The Warning.
You only get it once, if in a lifetime.
One Warning.
Before the moment, you as guilty or innocent know, things will never be the same, regardless of what you say, or do; from then on.
The tax you take on the chin, for being somehow in the know, too much.
What’s it worth?
You know you can’t pay it, but you take it anyway.
The Chance.
So if you could make a choice, for how long before your word is not law,
rich nor poor, with or without, up or down, front nor back, but right Now.
The present is so fast, you warned, the future is so far away, away
What on earth would exist when you don’t? when you think you count.
One
Life comes cheap and strife seems to be an echo, waving to and fro, like a stone thrown into a pond, a fairy’s wand wish, washed out.
To find a warning coming is a reminder, everything you do someone’s watching you
Warning danger ahead, thus the sign snigger dimples crimple.
Wide eyed and a beat without a pulse hangs in the dew, dust and powdered metal case click, clink, boom.
The Warning.
Written by Mathew Innes. Aotearoa 2007-03-09 Copyrights. All Rights Reserved.
One Warning.
Before the moment, you as guilty or innocent know, things will never be the same, regardless of what you say, or do; from then on.
The tax you take on the chin, for being somehow in the know, too much.
What’s it worth?
You know you can’t pay it, but you take it anyway.
The Chance.
So if you could make a choice, for how long before your word is not law,
rich nor poor, with or without, up or down, front nor back, but right Now.
The present is so fast, you warned, the future is so far away, away
What on earth would exist when you don’t? when you think you count.
One
Life comes cheap and strife seems to be an echo, waving to and fro, like a stone thrown into a pond, a fairy’s wand wish, washed out.
To find a warning coming is a reminder, everything you do someone’s watching you
Warning danger ahead, thus the sign snigger dimples crimple.
Wide eyed and a beat without a pulse hangs in the dew, dust and powdered metal case click, clink, boom.
The Warning.
Written by Mathew Innes. Aotearoa 2007-03-09 Copyrights. All Rights Reserved.
My last words.
Before you leave
Just before you leave, I have something to ask, I was wanting to know if I had forgotten something, something I wanted to know...
Would you mind if I could call on you to share it with me, in what ever way...
Before you leave could you remind me I had everything you wanted me to have, everything you wanted me to know, everything I guess I wanted to listen too, and that which I may not have wanted too, to...
And before you leave could you make sure when you return, not to forget to tell me where you are, who I am, who you were, in what ever little way...
So I can put at rest my curiousness and my desire to learn, to find out what I do not know, what I cannot , couldn’t guess , I guess...
While I wait here before you leave I don’t want to let go of your hand, your soul, you…
And while I know where you are going, I don’t want to look for you, I want to let you go, before you leave remind me not to try and follow you, not to try, not to standby...
Waiting for you to leave, watching you leave, hearing you leave, seeing you leave in season style, from birth to death, my first; your last breath, before you leave this is the hardest test...
The final end of your Quest.
Just before you leave, I have something to ask, I was wanting to know if I had forgotten something, something I wanted to know...
Would you mind if I could call on you to share it with me, in what ever way...
Before you leave could you remind me I had everything you wanted me to have, everything you wanted me to know, everything I guess I wanted to listen too, and that which I may not have wanted too, to...
And before you leave could you make sure when you return, not to forget to tell me where you are, who I am, who you were, in what ever little way...
So I can put at rest my curiousness and my desire to learn, to find out what I do not know, what I cannot , couldn’t guess , I guess...
While I wait here before you leave I don’t want to let go of your hand, your soul, you…
And while I know where you are going, I don’t want to look for you, I want to let you go, before you leave remind me not to try and follow you, not to try, not to standby...
Waiting for you to leave, watching you leave, hearing you leave, seeing you leave in season style, from birth to death, my first; your last breath, before you leave this is the hardest test...
The final end of your Quest.
Divorce
Pollen on your petals, Honey on your lips, Bumble Bee kisses, Butterfly winks, Rays of tingles like pins and needles embracing your smile to mine, The love you forgot to return, My broken belief, burns. On the floor through the glass door, I see you move so slowly, embraced with another man in my place, another one of your faces, I shudder, silently scream, snow melts and blizzards fog my mind, the wife you were, the wife you were supposed to be, Our love now dispersing in front of me, the cold bath and blinkless stare, all the words and whispers past your lips lie bare... I return to watch you, to pinch myself, again to silently scream... Our last dream so it seems.
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