Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Kiss

When it started so quickly, it stopped so fast, When it finished, I wished it would never stop,
I walked to the door in a daze, hypnotised, phased.
The words before; nothing!, the thoughts after; something!,
I will wait for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years
Just to feel like this and that again?It may never come, nor the sun, the rain, the pleasure or pain... I want to kiss you over again and again... So softly, carefully, perfectly, passionately
The smell of your perfume, the warmth of your heart, The way you held me before your depart, even the dark blue love bite mark,
My sleep brought images of you to my bed
I couldn't sleep; I lay there silently, almost dead, Listening to my breathing, A smile and a shake of my head, I closed my eyes and thought of us over and over again,
From above, I watched us kiss, from below you know...
We looked so innocent, so so so...
Awaiting dancing together with you, I can Speak without words,
Touch without sounds, The Kiss...
I remember, Treasure, Forever with Pleasure.

"You Let Me Down, again."

You let me down, down again...

I was counting on you to think of me, to make the changes to set us free, You let me down, down again, I was hoping to spend our lives together, Without an end. you let me down again.

You had a chance to solve the things, you had a chance to make amends, If you had seen that now I'm alone, missing you both from another home, if only you had made the effort, I could have been set free. from your pasts, for the arguments and selfish contrasts.

you let me down, down again.

When I was opening the world, learning about its flowers and trees, you had an icy cold breeze, stirring, whirring into a storm, your love turned sour and you became a storm.

When I was needing a hand, it was yours filled with pain, touching my skin and burning again, the first was like the last, everyone was the same, not bringing you respect, but bringing you shame. when I am sitting here without you I’d wished you had never done it again and again.

I looked through you, looking through me, I forgot your love, not forgetting loosing me The stars I wished upon connected together as one, my anger resulted in aggression to everyone, I burned and cursed, I’ve taken out my frustration on the earth.

I was seven and living without a heaven, I was eight and living within a hell!
It wasn't a god or a devil, it wasn't a sister or brother, it wasn't my government, grandfather or grandmother, It was you both, you... my own father and mother.

Bi-Polar Brothers.

Bi-Polar Brothers.

Its going to be ok, I trust you and trust me I know, cause between the not ok’s you’ve hung on to what you needed to, you’ve made a pact to do just such and im going to be with you all the way.

So when the feeling that seems to lash out from the darkness, from the unsuspecting shadows of your day, with a knife or with a sense of strife, it’s me who’s going to take the cut and it’s me who will save your life.

You cant pretend its not happening when behind you awaits the thing that scares you the most, the thing that raises from within, filling you throughout, touching your lonely soul with shivers, with fear and threats of something you will never see, but just have to share.

It’s going to be the relationship you always needed, always had, between us we will know what comes next, cause stride after stride, mile after mile, we will walk together hand in hand, until your last breath and step.

Its not just you suffering, I suffer too, it’s hard to see you like you are, and you know that too, but its going to have to do, there is no other choice, today and tomorrow will never change until we face it side by side, together in each others wake, quietly alone as the ripples thin to a calm pool of emotions that subside from the intense storm.

It’s going to be ok, we don’t have to wait, nor race ahead of ourselves toward something unknown, you can reach for my hand, when ever you trip, when ever you fall or stall and I will pick you back up from what ever ground, what ever frown or break from where ever your going to go next.

I am going to be with you all the way, what more can I possibly say, and If you can’t find me beneath the waves, just hold out your hand, don’t hold your breath, breathe, we don’t have any choice because you and I are in this together, forever, so take a good look at me and forgive me for who I am and whom I have become.

The circles we seem to be walking in are not the same, this is not a game, this is our life and what we have become, we are, One.

All Rights Reserved - Written By Renton Braden Mathew Innes 24/07/2007

The Warning.

You only get it once, if in a lifetime.

One Warning.

Before the moment, you as guilty or innocent know, things will never be the same, regardless of what you say, or do; from then on.

The tax you take on the chin, for being somehow in the know, too much.

What’s it worth?

You know you can’t pay it, but you take it anyway.

The Chance.

So if you could make a choice, for how long before your word is not law,

rich nor poor, with or without, up or down, front nor back, but right Now.

The present is so fast, you warned, the future is so far away, away

What on earth would exist when you don’t? when you think you count.


Life comes cheap and strife seems to be an echo, waving to and fro, like a stone thrown into a pond, a fairy’s wand wish, washed out.

To find a warning coming is a reminder, everything you do someone’s watching you

Warning danger ahead, thus the sign snigger dimples crimple.

Wide eyed and a beat without a pulse hangs in the dew, dust and powdered metal case click, clink, boom.

The Warning.

Written by Mathew Innes. Aotearoa 2007-03-09 Copyrights. All Rights Reserved.

My last words.

Before you leave

Just before you leave, I have something to ask, I was wanting to know if I had forgotten something, something I wanted to know...

Would you mind if I could call on you to share it with me, in what ever way...

Before you leave could you remind me I had everything you wanted me to have, everything you wanted me to know, everything I guess I wanted to listen too, and that which I may not have wanted too, to...

And before you leave could you make sure when you return, not to forget to tell me where you are, who I am, who you were, in what ever little way...

So I can put at rest my curiousness and my desire to learn, to find out what I do not know, what I cannot , couldn’t guess , I guess...

While I wait here before you leave I don’t want to let go of your hand, your soul, you…
And while I know where you are going, I don’t want to look for you, I want to let you go, before you leave remind me not to try and follow you, not to try, not to standby...

Waiting for you to leave, watching you leave, hearing you leave, seeing you leave in season style, from birth to death, my first; your last breath, before you leave this is the hardest test...

The final end of your Quest.


Pollen on your petals, Honey on your lips, Bumble Bee kisses, Butterfly winks, Rays of tingles like pins and needles embracing your smile to mine, The love you forgot to return, My broken belief, burns. On the floor through the glass door, I see you move so slowly, embraced with another man in my place, another one of your faces, I shudder, silently scream, snow melts and blizzards fog my mind, the wife you were, the wife you were supposed to be, Our love now dispersing in front of me, the cold bath and blinkless stare, all the words and whispers past your lips lie bare... I return to watch you, to pinch myself, again to silently scream... Our last dream so it seems.

Missing Addiction

Did I ever mention the man hiding behind the walls, Did you ever see the liar’s lows, the liar’s highs, hellos and goodbyes.

Stuck within the castle of a truthful man I bang to no avail, I cry from within without.

Could he be so perfect it wasn’t possible to be bad, he makes me so mad.

When he sleeps I awake and shake, grind his teeth and bite his tongue, I put on his clothes and drive in his car, I drink and go to bars, they never knew he was at home, alone the never saw him wake.

The grin and sins behind his mask last from one room to another, the sisters and brothers.

The eyes and sighs from me within begin to stir the missing link, when I finish before the sun awakes he sinks.

I place him into bed and wipe his chin, for tomorrow once more it will begin.

The dreams and screams ringing in his ears the cigarette burns and whisky smears make him stare.

I don’t care.

He is me and I am him, I started doing what I wanted to do, and he always wanted to.

Am I fact, am I fiction, his addiction his wine or fear we will see tomorrow when I am there.

C. 2007 RBMI.

Good Morning Mr. P

Good Morning Mr. p,

His element on the stove roaring and the glass pipe with an inside gloss come matt finish, a hunger burning, a wild wind turning, lost in the winters leaves, a cave hiding a sneeze the meths like ice begging to please, the whirls and twirls of smoke and no bubbles corrupting the troubles cooked by a mixed up - cocktail sleaze,

Mr. Meth’s at his best, six foot tall and bullet proof, the truth and sleuth a three day hunger begins to freeze, a form and a frown the glassy eyed clown inhaling the disease, exhausting the G’s casino sleaze’ no hero’s please.

If just one of you met Mr. P before his IQ had failed, yes you could have perhaps resisted the waste and paste from the swiveling cortex core and white trash whores breeding around his back door, multiple personalities and bi polar pores, begging for more, bending over his desk, loving thy guest’s and a self pity test gone horribly wrong.

A cloud of dust and a cough infected chest, this Mr. Meth’s at his best will be your death. A house once earned lost, once a new Car and Truck and daily Fuck… ducked, a twitchy high and friends waving goodbye, a sinking ship for that addictive hit, you now suck dick.

Emotional Waves feeding your Tide staying alive, a bait less hook, no trace, tangled, a sale and vale tail between your legs, you egg.

This I guess said and sung has not just begun but hour-glassed from slaved societies graves. The Rebel Rebelling, Silenced beneath the minority monotony machine. Just remember, No One can hear you scream.

Copyright 2007 Renton Innes, Auckland - Aotearoa. All Rights Reserved.

The Truth Hurts...

It, at this moment, the manic grin spreads across my face, as the tears fall down through an empty void I once called my name, but now my name is something that doesn’t belong to me, I knew it once and now I cant get rid of it, you can call me and I will turn to look, but as the look becomes a stare and as the gaunt left overs remain to remind me of the man who could and would care; cant anymore. Who makes me feel like these feelings make me do, who wants to call them theirs when they are mine, who wants to share a few and live them too, Do you? and while the mirror of my life cracked and shattered shows me who I am, was, or could be, who can hold onto that which cuts me so deep and who will rock me to sleep when the lights go dim and I cant seem to win. who.

Lost Love?

Can you hear me, can you even try, would you listen if you could, would you let me try

I never found it easy, I never knew why

Every time I spoke you looked at me like you heard, but tomorrow will only show, and too many tomorrows have come and then they seem to go, my words seem forgotten or don’t seem to show

Can you, just hear me, just let me know

So here I am with you in my mind and making time to be something I thought I was, to you and to me, just let me see that I am in yours and you are who you are, to be mine.

I don’t need you to be something your not, have you forgot?

So each whisper you spoke, when tomorrow it’s broke remember how I heard you, held you, kissed and missed you when you weren’t there and how much I cared when through the windows you stared, blankly past my reflection, my echo in the room, each sweep of the broom…

Can you just, hear me, once more through the empty door, through the gardens we walked and the each and every moment together alone, at work and at our home

Can you just be what you were and told me who, you are.

Would you just listen one more time, would you let me try, just so you know and me too, this is what you need not want to do. Can you?

South Auckland

Abandoned, I ruled the streets alone, don’t be alarmed by my anxious fear, my apprehensive curiosity, roaming the infinite openness cautiously, unconcerned but desperately seeking another looking for the same, I was fearful discovering my disability physically over again and again, frightened and hesitant, then running from that which arose unknown, a nervous panicked undirected exploration of the local surroundings, petrified of that which did not move away as I strayed, scared and terrified, troubled emotional strain, the intense pain, the hunger pulsing in my veins, nothing to gain, am I still sane?

Copyrights 2007 Mathew Innes - All Rights Reserved.

Mental Health

To those within, without. copyrights 2007 Mathew Innes, Auckland - Aotearoa.

The Rugby HypeUp Song

Don’t get in my way, don’t get in my way, what did you hear me say,

Don’t get in, don’t get in my way, it’s the last time I have to say, get out of my way,

And as the halt of a thousand horses hooves cease to echo through the night,

Another ray of light, shines through…out…

Don’t get in my way, how many times do I have to say, don’t get in my way,

When I interrupt you in your path, on yours, what would you say, HEY! Did I get in your way, can you hear me now cause now its too late…

Don’t get in my way, don’t get in my way, you heard me say,

What would you need to be explained, don’t get in my way,

If the right was swung and your; you’d give way,

Don’t get in my way, don’t get in my way.

As the sunshine leaves for the day…


All rights reserved. RBMI. Aotearoa 2007